简单而幽默的英语笑话，带中文翻译
too
Doctor: Your cough sounds much better today.
Patient: It should. Ive been practicing all night.
医生：听上去你咳嗽今天好多了。
病人：应该如此。我昨晚练习了一整夜。
英语简短小笑话，带翻译
I Wasnt Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasnt asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我没有睡着
当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒！”
“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。
“没睡着？可是你眼睛都闭上了呀？”
“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”
The poor husband
"You cant imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可怜的丈夫
“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父亲在哪儿？
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”
哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
Does the dog know the proverb, too?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"Its all right," said a gentleman, "dont be afraid. Dont you know the proverb: Barking dogs dont bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
狗也知道这个谚语吗？
一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”
一 Can we have our teacher back？
Once a superintendent of schools was visiting a three-room school. One room was very noisy, so the man grabbed a tall boy who had been standing up talking. He took the boy into another room and stood him in the corner. Five minutes later, a smalll boy came out of the first room and said, "When can we have our teacher back?"
能让我们的老师回去吗？
有一次，一位督学去视察一个只有三间教室的学校。一间教室非常吵闹，因此督学抓住其中一个正在站着说话的人，把他带进另一间教室，并让他站在墙角。五分钟以后，一个小男孩从第一间教室走进来，问道，“您什么时候能让我们的老师回去呢？”
二 Whos More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
谁更有礼貌？
一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。
三 Expensive Price
Dentist: Im sorry, madam, but Ill have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your sons tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.
昂贵的代价
牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。
母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？
牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了
（望采纳）
英语小笑话带翻译，两人对话的,十五句话左右!
As the taxi came to a screeching halt at a traffic light, I asked the driver, "Do you agree that Time is money?" "Well, its a very common saying. Who will care so much about that?" the driver answered. "Look, the digits in the meter are still running when the car has stopped, "I pointed at the meter. "Oh, yes. Youve got a point here. In this case, time is money for both of us." added the driver. 中文翻译： 当出租车在遇到红灯急刹车时，我问司机：“你同意‘时间就是金钱’这种说法吗？” “哦，这是一个普遍说法。在这个问题上，谁会在意那么多呢？”司机回答说。 >
“看，在车已经停止的情况下，里程表上的数字还在跑。”我指着里程表说。 >
“哦，是的。你说的挺有道理的。在这种情况下，时间对我们俩来说都是金钱。”司机补充说。
英语笑话，带翻译(短)
Stranger: Catch any fish? Fisherman: Did I! I took forty out of this stream this morning. Stranger: Know who I am? Im the game warden. Fisherman: Know who I am? Im the biggest liar in the state. 陌生人：钓到鱼了吗？ 钓鱼者：我是谁？一早晨我就在这条小溪钓到了40多条鱼呢。 陌生人：你知道我是谁吗？我是这里的渔猎执行官。 钓鱼者：那你知道我是谁吗？我是全国最大的说谎者。
英语笑话及中文翻译
A：What’s on your hand？
B：Watch.
A：How to spell that？
B：T-H-A-T~
翻译：
A：你手上的是什么东西？
B:手表
A:怎么拼读呢？
B：T-H-A-T~
关于国庆节主题的英语小笑话（带有中文翻译）
Perfect Man, Perfect Woman There was a perfect man and a perfect woman. They met each other at a perfect party. They dated for two perfect years. They had the perfect wedding and the perfect honeymoon. They had two perfect children. One day the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving in there perfect car, they saw an elf by the side of the road, being the perfect people they were they picked him up. Well as the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving with the elf, somehow they got into an accident. Two people died and one lived. Who died and who lived? The perfect woman, because the perfect man and elves arent real. Thats nice, thats real nice One day these two fine southern ladies were sittin on the front porch having some iced tea. One of the women sticks out her hand for the other woman to see, and in her long southern drawl says Look at this ring my husband gave me. Isnt it nice? To which the other woman replies, Oh thats nice, thats real nice. The first woman then says , And just last month he took me on one of them Caribbean cruises. The second woman again replies, Oh thats nice, thats real nice. Well sweetheart doesnt your husband ever buy you nice things or send you nice places? Oh, the second woman responds, When we first got married he did send me to etiquette school. Whyd he do that? the first woman asks. To which the second fine southern woman replies, Well you see, before, when someone told me about the jewellery their husband gave them, or the trips he sent her on, I would have just said I dont give a freak, but now I say thats nice, thats real nice. 完美男人，完美女人 曾经有一个完美男人和一个完美女人，它们邂逅于一个完美的聚会。完美的约会持续了两年，然后他们举行了完美的婚礼，并度过了完美的蜜月。之后他们有了两个完美的孩子。 一天，完美男人和完美女人驾着他们那完美的轿车出行。他们在路边看到一个精灵，由于他们是完美男女，于是他们载了精灵一程。 由于完美男人和完美女人载上了精灵，他们不知何故发生了交通意外。其中二死一生。猜猜谁过世了而谁活了下来？ 当然是完美女人活了下来，因为完美男人和精灵根本就是虚幻的。 不错，真的不错 一天，两位漂亮的南方女士坐在前门廊里，喝着冰茶。 这时其中一位女士伸出她的手，向另一位女士展示，并用她拉长调子的南方口音懒洋洋地说：“看看这个戒指，是我丈夫送给我的，很漂亮吧？” 另一位女士回答道，“哦，不错，真地很好。” 第一位女士接着说，“就在上个月，他还带我去了加勒比海旅游。” 第二位女士再次回答，“哦，不错，真地很好。” “喂，宝贝，你丈夫给你买过好东西，或带你去过漂亮地方吗？” “嗯”，第二位女士回应道，“当我们刚结婚时，他送我去了礼仪学校。” “为什么他要这样做呢？”第一位女子问道。 第二位漂亮的南方女士回答道，“哦，你看，以前，当有人向我讲述那些她们丈夫买的珠宝或曾经旅行过的地方时，我只会说这有什么了不起，但现在我会说不错，真地很好。”
英语关于万圣节的小诗带中文翻译,要求简短
Trick or treat(不给糖就捣蛋)---万圣节小诗一首
Trick or treat. 不给糖就捣蛋
Give me something good to eat. 给我好吃的东西
Ghosts, witches, and goblins, too. 鬼、巫婆、小精灵
Are waiting in the dark for you. 正在黑暗中等着你
The witch is riding on a broomstick. 巫婆正骑在扫把上
She is warming up the big black kettle. 她正热着黑色的炉子
She is cooking small toads and spiders. 她正在煮蟾蜍和蜘蛛
She is feeding all the ghosts and goblins. 她正在喂所有的鬼和小精灵
We are all scared to death. 我们全部怕的要死
Trick or treat! Trick or treat! 不给糖就捣蛋、不给糖就捣蛋
Give me something good to eat! 给我好吃的东西
If you don’t.
Trick or treat! Trick or treat! 不给糖就捣蛋、不给糖就捣蛋
I want something good to eat! 我要好吃的东西
Trick or treat! Trick or treat! 不给糖就捣蛋、不给糖就捣蛋
Give me something nice and sweet. 给我好吃的东西
Give me candy and an apple, too. 给我糖果和苹果
And I won’t play a trick on you! 这样我就不会捉弄你